We Don’t Control Our Thoughts: Basic Pillars to Recovering from Fear of Panic Attacks & Anxiety
When I started having panic attacks I didn’t know what they were. All I knew was that I hated the feeling and wanted to completely avoid it. Sometimes it felt like my panic attacks were triggered by my thoughts, so I figured the easy solution was to not think about having one. “As long as I don't think about having a panic attack, then I won’t have one!”, I thought. So what did this look like in practice? I would repeat to myself:
Don’t think about having a panic attack. Don’t think about having a panic attack. Don’t think about having a panic attack. Don’t think about having a panic attack.
Don’t panic right now. Don’t panic. Don’t panic. Don’t panic. You better not panic right now!
This might shock you, but my easy solution didn’t work. It actually back fired. I started having more panic attacks at the worst moments. One of my most prominent symptoms was stomach aches. At first I thought my stomach aches were causing my panic attacks (I later realized it was the other way around). I’d try really hard to not think about my stomach hurting but then I would feel even worse.
More: Can You Recover from Panic Disorder?
Intrusive Thoughts
When anxiety is present, it's common to have intrusive thoughts that fire off in our minds. Intrusive thoughts are unwanted and typically jarring to us. They can be words, images, or ideas that pop into our minds. Examples include:
What if I jerk my steering wheel into oncoming traffic
What if I didn’t wash my hands well enough after making dinner and I get sick
What if I decide to trip the person walking in front of me
With panic attacks and fear of them, your intrusive thoughts may look more like:
What if I freak out and lose all control on the plane
What if this time I do have a panic attack
What if I panic and it never ends
What if I get stuck
What if panic while driving and wreck
What if something terrible happens
If it starts with a “what if”, it’s probably an intrusive thought.
Anxiety ramps up when we believe our intrusive thoughts. Imagine listening to and believing every thought you had? Our brains are naturally creative and will think of so many different things that we have no control over.
Why Do We Try to Control Our Thoughts?
I want you to try not to think of a green cat. Try really really hard, like your life depends on it. Do not think of a green cat.
Are you thinking of a green cat? I would bet you are!
Ingrained in us is the urge to push away scary or uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. It's like we have a built-in automatic response system to these emotions and thoughts. Our brains think we need to be looking out for threats constantly. They are hardwired for survival. They haven’t been fully upgraded to realize we aren’t cavemen anymore. It’s almost laughable then that we beat ourselves up over our thoughts. We’re literally berating ourselves over something we can’t control.
One of the most important facts to remember when working through anxiety and panic is that we can’t control the thoughts that pop into our minds and the more we try, the worse we feel. This is true for any anxious thought, but also panic attacks. We are not in control of how our nervous system is reacting. Sitting in a crowded movie theater may send a surge of panic through your body and you can’t control that. Actually, the harder we try to suppress the thoughts and feelings of panic, the stronger they become.
Our Thoughts are a Fake Threat
If you struggle with panic attacks or ruminating anxious thoughts, you understand this dilemma. We try so hard to control what we think about and how we feel. It's like a giant bear is in your living room and you try to tell yourself not to think about it or ignore it. When we do that with anxiety and panic attacks, it tends to get even bigger. Imagine the bear growing double in size each time you tell yourself to just ignore it.
The key to recovery is realizing that the bear is actually animatronic. Totally fake. It looks like a bear and acts like a bear, but its roar is fake and its teeth can’t bite. Panic attacks are the exact same. They look and feel like danger, but they’re a complete ruse. The more we try to ignore them, the more agitated they become. The only other option it feels like we have is to get rid of any opportunity for the bear to enter the room. Lock all the doors and stay inside. In theory this sounds like a good plan, except we’re trying to lock out a fake bear. How silly is that!
Real recovery from panic attacks starts when we understand we can’t control our thoughts.
If I just didn’t care so much
If I just didn’t worry about it
If I just didn’t think about worse case scenarios
You’re going to think about it. Once that is accepted, the real healing can start. Thinking we have some kind of control over our thoughts is the biggest trap we can fall into. This is the basic framework for anxiety recovery: realizing we don’t have to fight our thoughts anymore (because we literally can’t) and just let them be.
But they’re scary!
I don’t want to think about them!
We don’t have to like the thoughts. We just need to change our reaction to them.
How to Change Our Reaction to Anxiety
We can choose to respond to these thoughts with a shrug or a laugh. We can treat them as funny or boring. Just because they look and feel scary, doesn’t mean we have to treat them that way (because the threat is fake, remember?) We can choose to relax our jaws. We can choose to go to that place anyway. We can choose to release our grip on the airplane seat armrest. This doesn’t mean we’ll feel better in the moment. It's still really hard and scary and feels terrible. But our only other option is to try and suppress or get rid of the anxious thoughts and this makes them feel worse. The best thing we can do for ourselves and our recovery is treat these anxious thoughts as the most normal and mundane part of our day. Only then do they actually start to feel mundane and boring.
Knowing we can’t control our thoughts is great news for us! If we know the anxious and panicky thoughts and feelings are going to be there no matter what we do, then we might as well let them be and get back to our lives. Because what other option do we have?
My panic attack recovery would’ve been much quicker if I had let the thoughts and sensations show up as they pleased instead of trying to control or argue with them.
Therapy with Anxiety Specialist Kate Regnier in Reston, VA
Kate is a licensed therapist who specializes in treating panic attacks and anxiety. Kate uses evidence-based modalities such as CBT, ACT, and EMDR. She offers virtual therapy sessions and works with clients who are located in Virginia, Washington DC, Maryland, Indiana & Michigan. Kate also uses psychoeducation with clients, helping them keep in mind there is no magical quick fix to anxiety or panic attacks and recovery lies in the practice of allowing and feeling the anxious thoughts and feelings versus trying to get rid of them.
Click here to schedule a consultation with Kate.
Disclaimer* The content provided in this blog is intended for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or medical advice. While I strive to ensure the accuracy of the information shared, I cannot guarantee that all information is current or correct. Readers are advised to consult with a qualified healthcare professional before making any decisions based on this post.
