Balancing Having a Baby in the NICU and Kids at Home

When your baby is in the NICU and your other children are at home needing you, it can feel like your heart is split in two. You're expected to show up for everyone, but you're running on empty. On top of it all, you're likely still recovering from a traumatic birth or dealing with postpartum trauma—physically, emotionally, and mentally.

If you're in Reston, Fairfax, Vienna, or Great Falls, VA and you’re finding it nearly impossible to balance it all, you’re not alone. Many mothers silently carry the weight of NICU stress, postpartum PTSD, and family demands without enough support. This blog is here to normalize what you’re going through—and help you take the next step toward healing.

The Emotional Whiplash of NICU Parenting

Bringing a baby into the world is supposed to be joyful. But when you're discharged and your newborn isn’t, everything shifts. NICU life often comes after an unexpected or traumatic delivery, sometimes involving fetal distress, emergency surgeries, or premature birth.

You may have experienced:

• Newborn birth trauma

• PTSD from giving birth

• Postpartum trauma after medical complications

And still, while you’re recovering from a frightening delivery, you're expected to:

• Visit your baby in the NICU daily

• Be emotionally available for your partner

• Care for your other children at home

• Pump or manage feeding schedules

• Stay on top of medical updates and decisions

It’s no wonder many NICU moms describe this time as a mental fog filled with guilt, exhaustion, and hypervigilance.

Caring for Your Other Children While Mentally Elsewhere

One of the hardest parts of having a baby in the NICU is being physically with your older children while mentally still in the hospital. You’re trying to keep bedtime routines, school drop-offs, and meals going—but you're likely distracted, emotionally numb, or overwhelmed.

You might feel:

• Guilt for not being fully present at home

• Grief over what your family imagined this time would be like

• Anger that you're missing bonding time with your newborn

This is where many mothers benefit from counseling for perinatal loss, birth trauma therapy, or even infant loss support, especially when you’re not sure how to process what’s happening—or how to explain it to your children.

You’re Still in Recovery Too

It’s important to name this: you are recovering from something too. Whether you experienced a miscarriage before this pregnancy, had a near-death experience during labor, or simply weren’t treated with respect or care during birth—your body and mind are still healing.

Some women experience:

• PTSD from labor or delivery

• Miscarriage grief support needs if the pregnancy was high-risk

• Physical symptoms of stress and trauma, like headaches, nausea, or racing heart

You deserve support—not just your baby, not just your kids at home, but you too.

How to Ask for Help When You Feel Like You Should Be Strong

High-achieving, capable moms often feel like asking for help is admitting defeat. But in the NICU season, community is survival. Here's how to get what you need:

1. Be specific about what people can do.

Instead of saying, “Let me know if you can help,” try:

• “Can you pack my kids' lunches on Tuesday?”

• “Would you be able to do a grocery run this week?”

• “Could you take my older child to soccer practice Thursday?”

2. Ask medical staff what support is available.

Most hospitals offer:

• NICU social workers

• Spiritual care or chaplains

• Lactation consultants

• Referrals to infant loss counseling or miscarriage support if needed

3. Consider virtual support groups.

If you’re searching terms like infant loss support near me or online group support for NICU moms, know that virtual support is more accessible than ever—and just talking to someone who gets it can make all the difference.

Therapy Can Help You Carry This

Mothers in Reston, Great Falls, Fairfax, and Vienna often seek trauma-informed therapy not because they’re “not coping”—but because they know how vital it is to get ahead of long-term mental health challenges like:

• Unresolved grief

• Severe depression from grief

• Birth trauma or postpartum PTSD

• Grief from past miscarriage or fetal loss

EMDR therapy, for example, can help reduce the intensity of traumatic memories, break cycles of guilt or intrusive thoughts, and allow you to feel more present with all your children—whether they’re at home or in the NICU.

You Are Still a Good Mom

Just because you feel torn doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. You're holding space for multiple children, different needs, and complex emotions—all at once. That’s not weakness. That’s love stretched wide.

If you're reading this while sitting in a NICU waiting room or trying to get through bedtime with a lump in your throat, please know this:

• It’s okay to cry in front of your kids sometimes.

• It’s okay to miss your baby while holding your older child.

• It’s okay to say, “I’m not okay right now.”

You’re showing up. You’re doing enough. And you don’t have to carry this alone.

If You're in Northern Virginia, Help Is Here

If you're searching for birth trauma therapy in Reston, counseling for perinatal loss in Fairfax, or postpartum PTSD support in Vienna or Great Falls, you are not alone. Therapy can provide the space and tools you need to process this pain and make room for healing.

At Regnier Restorative Counseling, I offer trauma-informed, EMDR-based therapy for women who have experienced traumatic births, NICU hospitalizations, or the loss of a baby. You don’t have to wait until things are better to reach out.

You are still a mom to all of your children.
Even when they’re in different places.
Even when you’re exhausted.
Even when your heart feels torn.

Support is here when you’re ready.

Services Offered with Kate Regnier, LCSW and EMDR Therapist

Are you experiencing the unexpected loss of a child, spouse, or loved one and struggling with intense images, flashbacks or feelings of hopelessness? Specializing in grief and loss and trauma and PTSD, Kate helps clients find relief from flashbacks, anxiety, guilt, and emotional overwhelm after a devastating loss. Kate see’s clients in person in Reston, VA and virtually across the DMV. To learn more about Kate, visit the page Meet Kate and check out more on the blog. Click here to schedule a free consultation.

Disclaimer* The content provided in this blog is intended for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or medical advice. While I strive to ensure the accuracy of the information shared, I cannot guarantee that all information is current or correct. Readers are advised to consult with a qualified healthcare professional before making any decisions based on this post.