Mother’s Day and Mom Guilt: Do I Deserve to be Celebrated?
Mother’s Day is meant to be a time of appreciation—a day to feel seen, loved, and honored for all you do as a mom. But for many women, especially those who’ve experienced a traumatic birth, navigated a NICU stay, or are parenting a baby with ongoing medical or developmental challenges, this holiday can stir up a different feeling entirely:
Guilt.
You may wonder, Do I deserve to be celebrated?
Am I doing enough?
Why don’t I feel joyful today?
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and you’re not doing anything wrong. Many mothers silently carry feelings of mom guilt, self-doubt, and grief after what was supposed to be one of the most beautiful moments of their lives turned into something frightening, painful, or overwhelming.
When the Early Days of Motherhood Don’t Go as Planned
For mothers who have experienced:
A traumatic or emergency birth
A baby admitted to the NICU
Medical complications during or after delivery
Perinatal loss, miscarriage, or stillbirth
A baby with ongoing health or developmental struggles
...the postpartum period often becomes a time of survival, not celebration.
You may have missed those quiet newborn snuggles. You may have felt helpless watching your baby hooked up to machines. You may have walked into a nursery that wasn’t filled with the joy you expected. Or you may be showing up every day for a child who needs extra care—while pushing down your own pain to keep going.
In these moments, guilt creeps in. It whispers:
You should be doing more.
You should be more grateful.
You’re not the mom your baby needs.
These thoughts are heavy. And while they are incredibly common, they are not the truth.
The Many Faces of Mom Guilt
Mothers experiencing postpartum trauma or complicated births often describe guilt in many forms:
Guilt for not feeling connected to their baby right away
Guilt for being too afraid to try for another child
Guilt for not remembering their child’s birth with joy
Guilt for being “the reason” things didn’t go as planned (they weren’t)
Guilt for struggling emotionally while “others have it worse”
Guilt for wanting time alone or resenting their new role
This internal dialogue can feel relentless. And it’s made worse by a culture that glorifies “bouncing back,” celebrates perfect motherhood online, and dismisses the very real trauma many women carry after birth.
You Deserve to Be Celebrated—Even If It Feels Hard
Mother’s Day can be complicated, especially if your entry into motherhood was marked by fear, loss, or trauma. You may feel like you're going through the motions, smiling at the card your partner gave you or accepting flowers while secretly wondering why it all feels hollow.
Let’s make one thing clear:
The fact that you are here, showing up, caring, loving, surviving—that is enough.
You are doing more than enough to be celebrated.
Even if:
You’re still grieving what your birth experience should have been
You’re feeling disconnected from your body or your baby
You’re exhausted beyond words and silently breaking down at night
You haven’t fully processed what happened
Your motherhood is real. Your love is real. And your pain deserves space, not silence.
When Guilt Is a Symptom of Trauma
It’s important to know that chronic mom guilt—especially after a traumatic experience—is often a sign of unresolved trauma.
When your nervous system is stuck in survival mode, it becomes hard to trust yourself, to feel safe in your body, or to believe you’re doing “enough.” You may be reliving moments from the delivery room or NICU, feeling constantly on edge, or struggling with emotional numbness.
These aren’t personal failings. They’re trauma symptoms. And there is help.
How EMDR Therapy Can Help You Heal from Birth Trauma and Guilt
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is a powerful, evidence-based therapy that helps your brain safely process traumatic memories—so they no longer feel like they’re happening in real time.
Unlike traditional talk therapy, EMDR doesn’t require you to relive or retell the trauma repeatedly. Instead, it gently targets the root of the distress—those overwhelming moments during or after birth—and helps reduce the emotional intensity attached to them.
EMDR can help you:
Feel more connected and present with your baby
Release self-blame and guilt
Quiet the mental replays and flashbacks
Rebuild trust in yourself and your body
Reduce anxiety, panic, and emotional numbness
Begin to actually feel joy again—not just fake it
You Are Worth Celebrating, Just As You Are
You may not feel like the picture-perfect mom on Instagram. You may feel broken, tired, or unsure. But if you’re reading this—if you’re showing up for yourself in any way at all—you are doing the brave work of healing.
This Mother’s Day, give yourself permission to feel what you feel.
Rest if you need to. Cry if you need to. Say no to plans. Say yes to support.
And if you’re ready to process what happened and begin healing for real—therapy can help.
How to Get Support
At Regnier Restorative Counseling, I specialize in EMDR therapy for women who have experienced birth trauma, NICU stays, and perinatal loss. Whether you’re in Reston, Virginia or joining virtually from anywhere in Virginia, Maryland, DC, Michigan, or Indiana, I offer compassionate, trauma-informed support designed to help you feel safe and whole again.
Ready to begin?
Schedule a free consultation
Choose virtual or in-person EMDR therapy
Start feeling more grounded, connected, and truly seen
This Mother’s Day, honor your strength—not your guilt. You are enough. You always were.
Services Offered with Kate Regnier, LCSW and EMDR Therapist
Have you experienced a traumatic birth or perinatal loss and now find yourself overwhelmed by flashbacks, guilt, or emotional numbness? Specializing in birth trauma, perinatal grief, and PTSD, Kate helps mothers process the unthinkable and find relief from anxiety, intrusive memories, and the weight of heartbreak—so they can begin to heal and feel safe in their bodies again. Kate see’s clients in person in Reston, VA and virtually across the DMV, Indiana, and Michigan. To learn more about Kate, visit the page Meet Kate and check out more on the blog. Click here to schedule a free consultation.
Disclaimer* The content provided in this blog is intended for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional therapy or medical advice. While I strive to ensure the accuracy of the information shared, I cannot guarantee that all information is current or correct. Readers are advised to consult with a qualified healthcare professional before making any decisions based on this post.
